One Devil of a Cat
by Sakuchi-san
Summary: Sebastian finds the most adorable cat in an alleyway on a day in London. Taking him home against Ciel's wishes he ends up keeping the cat in the Phantomhive Manor. The cat gets along with him perfectly...but everyone else is a different story. It only attacks when Sebastian isn't around. Ciel needs help getting rid of it but he's getting the wrong help.
1. Headless Teddy Bear

All the trouble started with the cat, that _goddamned cat. _It didn't matter how cute or how adorable it looked. That cat was the root of all evil. But it was a cat...and Sebastian couldn't resist cats no matter what evil aura it radiated.

It was on a partly cloudy day in London that Ciel sent Sebastian into town to pick up a teddy bear that he ordered for Lizzie. Why he couldn't get his lazy ass up and get it himself was Sebastian's thought, but he was the butler so he couldn't complain.

He promptly picked up the teddy bear in its box and started on his way back to Phantomhive manor, but something caught his eye. Something utterly _magnificent. _Sebastian froze, bear in hand, and peered into a dank alleyway across from him. "My, you are _beautiful, _aren't you?" He asked as he bent down.

What he was talking to was a cat. But not just any cat, but the cutest one in creation. It was silver-haired with gray strips down his back. One ear stood up while the other flopped down, the tail was bushy perfection, and it had piercing hazel eyes.

"I can't just leave you here in this alleyway. But Ciel doesn't like cats, in fact he's allergic to them. But such a delicate creature..." Sebastian said as he puzzled between taking the cat and leaving it there. After a few moments standing on the sidewalk and blocking other people's path Sebastian scooped up the cat and put him in the bag with the teddy bear. Then he continued to the manor.

When he finally reached the manor (periodically checking on his prize on the way there) it was the middle of the afternoon. He quickly made his way into the sitting foyer where Ciel and Lizzie were sitting on the sofa talking, well _Lizzie _was talking, Ciel was dozing.

"Oh Ciel! Look, your butler's back and he's holding a very large something. Would that something possibly be for _moi?_" Lizzie said excitedly as she shook Ciel awake. "It's not that teddy bear I've been eyeing for the last few days now is it?"

Ciel jolted out of his half daydream-half sleep and rose to meet Sebastian. "What in the hell took you so long? She damn near talked my ear off, give me the bag so I can give her the teddy bear." Whispered Ciel angrily as he marched up to Sebastian to take the bag.

But Sebastian still had the cat inside the bag. Mesmerized by its scalding beauty, he forget to pick out a hiding place for it. Quickly he tried to pull the bag back saying, "You wouldn't want to wait any longer? Perhaps after dinner or maybe till midnight?"

"NO. I want to give it to her _NOW. _Let it go Sebastian." Ciel said as he tugged the bag back.

"Maybe if you just wait while I wash it? I mean it's been in that window for who knows how long, it might have fleas...or something." He bargained as he pulled the bag back to him.

Looking at Sebastian like he had a screw loose Ciel said, "Fleas!? Sebastian, what's _wrong _with you? Give me the damn BAG!" And with that Ciel tried to pull the bag back to him, but with all the tugging and whatnot the bag split down the middle and the contents spilled on the floor.

Then Lizzie screamed. "OH CIEL! What happened to the BEAR'S HEAD!?" She screamed as the headless bear tumbled out of the bag and onto the floor. "What kind of gift is this?!"

A headless bear tumbled out of the bag along with a cat that was chewing on said head.

"That's what I want to know, eh Sebastian?" Ciel said menancingly staring at the butler. "I told you to get a bear WITH A HEAD! Not this-this-thi-_ACHOO_! _ACHOO_!" Ciel's tirade was cut short as he was seized by a sneezing fit.

That's when he happened to glance down to spot the silver-haired cat nuzzling around Sebastian's ankles. It glanced up at Sebastian and meowed without giving Ciel nor Lizzie a second thought. But apparently Ciel was not amused.

"Why is-_achoo!_-that cat-_achoo_-in the manor! Get it_-achoo_-out now!" Shouted Ciel as best he could as he sneezed into a handkerchief. Lizzie, on the other hand, had different ideas about the cat all together.

"But it's adorable! Ciel you're not possibly going to put it out onto the street, are you? It's scheduled to rain soon. Please keep it inside!" Lizzie pleaded.

"Yes young master! You can't possibly put it outdoors in the rain, can you?" Sebastian said following Lizzie's lead. "I will gladly take care of it! And not a spot of cat dandruff would disturb your studies!"

Still sneezing away Ciel saw no way he could argue himself out of this deal, especially with Lizzie on Sebastian's side. And all the sneezing was making it hard for him to get a word out anyways. "_Achoo! _Fine, whatever. _Achoo! _Just keep it away from me!"

"Yay! Come to me my beauty, I know just where to put you..." Sebastian cheered as he scooped up the cat and ran out the door with it. From outside you could hear him saying, "You're _mine, _and no one's going to harm you!"

But Sebastian shouldn't have been worried about that... He should've been worried about the _cat_ harming the _people..._


	2. Ciel vs The Cat

Well, if it wasn't official yesterday then it's official now: Sebastian has now named his newfound companion. The silver-haired cat has now been dubbed Charles and is an official member of the Phantomhive Manor (according to Sebastian).

For most of the morning all Sebastian did was pamper Charles. He took him outside, let him roll in the flowers, feed him fancy cat treats, and was forever petting him. But while he did all this, he neglected his other duties as butler. Like catering to Ciel's every whim and word.

"Sebastian! Where are you!? I still haven't had breakfast." Ciel called impatiently down the stairs. He's been up for several minutes and Sebastian has not bothered to show up to check on him. _And I'm STARVING. It's all because of that damned cat... _Ciel thought huffily as he sat at his desk in his study.

After shouting a few more times, Sebastian finally showed up. "Oh, ah, yes young master? I was just tailoring my suit to accompany Charles. See, he can ride in my pocket now!" Sebastian said with all the cheer a demon butler could muster. He opened his butler's coat to show that Charles was fit snugly inside.

"Ooookaaaay..." Ciel said, a little shocked at the aspect of a _cat _of all things in Sebastian's pocket. "Well then, now that you're here, I would like to have my breakfast brought up to me while I work. And before you go, don't let that cat near the food. I don't want to sneeze and eat."

"Right away young master. But since you don't want the cat near your food I'll just leave him here." Sebastian said as he took Charles out of his coat pocket and placed him by Ciel's desk. Charles mewed sulkily at being put out.

"But I don't-" Ciel began but Sebastian was out the door before he even finished the sentence. Looking down at the cat disdainfully Ciel tried to concentrate on his work. It wasn't easy because he kept sneezing as cat dandruff drifted in the air. Apparently Charles had a flea problem and kept scratching continually.

"Ugh, you stupid feline! Go scratch your ass somewhere else. I'm busy with some important orders and don't need fleas to interrupt me." Grumbled Ciel and the sentence was punctuated by a sneezing fit. Concluding his sneezing fit Ciel tried to grab for his handkerchief which had fallen on the floor.

Bending down to retrieve it he happened to glance at Charles. The cat had a malevolent glare on his face, almost like it was giving Ciel the evil eye. "What the bloody hell are _you_ looking at like that? Go back to scratching your fleas..." Ciel said wearily eyeing the cat with caution.

Something was off about the cat. Something about its eyes. Ciel decided to put his guard up just in case it decided to do something funny.

And a good thing he did. Charles hissed and pounced at the last moment trying to clutch onto Ciel's neck. Seeing this coming, Ciel managed to pull back just enough to avoid getting his throat clawed, but not enough to dodge Charles entirely.

The cat managed to hook onto Ciel's kerchief around his neck. Viciously Charles went for Ciel's face and he had a sneaking suspicion that this cat was trying to give him another eye patch to wear. At this startlingly thought Ciel found the strength to toss Charles off of him and retreat to the fireplace in the corner of his office.

_I have to figure out a way to defend myself against this BEAST. Anything at all would do...AHA! This will do just fine. _Ciel thought as he glanced down at the fire poker on the mantel. He snatched up the poker and got into fencing position against the cat.

Seeing that the enemy had a new weapon, Charles tried to beat a retreat. But after enraging the Earl of Phantomhive you weren't getting off that easy. "COME ON! I'll make dog food out of you! GODDAMNED CAT!" Shouted Ciel as he started to jab the poker in the direction of the cat.

The cat backed itself into the corner of the room where Ciel had a clear shot at its chest. "On the bright side: I won't be sneezing for a long while..." Ciel stated hoisting up the poker and aiming at Charles.

But before he could take the death shot, Sebastian came in with his overdue breakfast. "Today's breakfast includes- WHAT THE HELL!?" Pulling up short Sebastian stopped his prologue of today's breakfast, set down the dish, and rushed to pull Ciel away from Charles.

"What in world are you doing young master!? I know breakfast is late but you can't eat Charles!" He said as he tried to get a grip on a swearing Ciel who was still swinging the fire poker around. "Young master please, CALM DOWN."

"NO, I WON'T CALM DOWN! I'M GONNA SKEWER THAT CAT! LEGGO NOW!" Ciel protested as he tried to stab the cat that was lounging in the corner. As he shouted he could've sworn the cat had smirked at him. _Smirked, I say!_

"SEE!? The mangy thing smirked at me! I'm going to KILL IT." Ciel yelled as he made a final ditch effort to throw the poker at the cat, which Sebastian nimbly caught.

"Come now young master! If you didn't want Charles in the room with you then you should have said so. I'll leave you to your breakfast and I'll take Charles out for awhile." And with that Sebastian put Charles in his coat pocket and left the study.

Ciel was left huffing and puffing and desperately _HUNGRY._ He went over to the dish on the desk and took a savage bite out of a danish. _The cat has it out for me... _He thought as he chewed.

But little did he know that the cat had it out for _everyone..._


	3. Soma's Cat Training

After the attempt made on Ciel's life by Sebastian's cat, Charles, Ciel decided that he couldn't bear be in the same vicinity as the beastly thing. Grabbing his coat and cane he told Sebastian he was going for a walk in London. Not that Sebastian cared...he was too busy with the cat.

Once he was out the door and a goodways from the manor Ciel's mood simmered down and his thoughts turned to ways in which he could get rid of _Charles. _But as long as Sebastian was around he saw no way he could get the cat alone to dispose of it.

He was so absorbed in planning that he wasn't looking in front of him. Suddenly he was stopped by another forward movement and the movement ended up being Prince Soma. Both fell to the sidewalk dropping the things they were carrying.

"Would you kindly watch where you are going? For I am _royalty_ and- Oh! Ciel my friend, I had no idea I would be bumping into you this afternoon. I was just coming over with the groceries you requested." Soma said kindly as he bent to pick up the fruits and vegetables that spilled out of the bag he dropped.

Ciel got shakily to his feet and retrieved his cane. Then what Soma said hit home. "Groceries? That I requested? I've done no such thing. I was busy with something..."

"Well, it wasn't _exactly _you. It was your butler, Sebastian. He said to pick up an order of groceries because he was too busy to get them himself. I was hoping since he let me do this, he might actually let me COOK for you! Isn't it wonderful!?" Soma said excitedly almost bursting with pride.

The thought of Soma cooking his food turned Ciel's stomach. He wasn't bad, but he made his food entirely too spicy. It gave Ciel indigestion. "Sebastian was too busy, eh? More like too busy playing with that damn cat to get anything done. As if it wasn't enough that the thing attacked me this morning."

Soma perked up at the mention of a cat. "Sebastian has gained a feline companion? Oh, is it a Bengal tiger? I had one in my palace back in India, she was the sweetest thing...Until she tried to eat Agni, then I had to tame her and let her go. If you're having trouble with cats I could help you train it."

"Really? You could train animals?" Ciel asked incredulously.

"Yes, the cats I've trained are actual _tigers._These domesticated cats here in Europe hold no match to them. It should be easy. So, can I help?" Soma asked putting his hands together and again dropping the groceries on the ground.

Ciel didn't believe for a moment that Soma could actually train the devil cat that Sebastian had picked up. But, he did have a plan to get rid or the cat and Soma would actually be a great help. "Sure Soma, you can come and tame this cat. I don't know what I would do without you." Ciel said falsely going over the plan in his mind.

"YES! You will not regret it, my friend. Come, let us go." Soma said as he grabbed Ciel's hand and started pulling him back towards the manor. It was early evening by the time they both returned to the manor. Soma stopped a few times along the way to choose various sticks from trees. Something he could use as a whip, he told Ciel.

As they both entered the manor Ciel told Soma to wait behind the staircase while he called Sebastian, he didn't want him to figure out that Soma was here with the groceries. After Soma was hidden Ciel called for Sebastian to come down stairs. And he did so, but not with his alarming speed since he had Charles in his pocket.

"Yes young master? I trust that you are cured of your desire to eat my cat. What may I do for you?" He asked bowing slightly to Ciel.

"What I would want you to do is get the groceries so I could eat dinner tonight. None have come this afternoon and I'm getting agitated." Ciel smoothly lied without a tic to his face.

"Is that so? I thought that would be situated but I guess I should've known something like this was bound to happen. I will retrieve them right away young master. But while _you're _in the study, I'll leave Charles down here so you aren't tempted to hurt him again." And with that Sebastian was out the door and down the street.

He had left the cat on the couch to stretch himself out on a pillow. Just seeing it laying there made Ciel want to sneeze. "Alright Soma, go do your 'training' while I go up to my room. I need to retrieve something from it." Ciel said waving his hand at Soma to come out from behind the staircase while he was going up the stairs. "I will be down momentarily."

"Aye Ciel, I will not let you down!" Soma saluted holding up his stick and advancing towards Charles. "Nice kitty, very nice kitty...I will not hurt you. All I want you to do is..."

But Soma didn't get to finish this sentence because then the cat decided that that was as close as he wanted Soma to get. Charles pounced.

"HEY! OUCH, OW! Nice kitty?! NO, DOWN! Down now! STOP SCRATCHING!" Soma yelled as he retreated and swung the stick at the cat at the same time. No matter which way he swung it, Charles always ducked then clawed at Soma's legs. He even got in a few swipes at Soma's chest, ripping holes in his shirt.

This was when Ciel decided to come down. Glancing up for a split moment Soma saw Ciel coming down the stairs. "Ciel! This cat was not as easy to train as I thought, he _WORSE_ than a Bengal tiger!" Soma cried trying to outrun the cat and failing.

"Yes, yes. I knew you probably wouldn't be able to tame it, I just wanted you as a diversion. I went up to my room to get THIS." Ciel said triumphantly holding up his pistol. "Now if you could get out of my shot, I could but a bullet in this beast once and for all!"

"Actually you would not be putting a bullet in _anything._" A shadow said from the open front door. It was Sebastian, back from picking up the groceries. "How many times are you going to try to kill my cat while I'm gone? I mean really, look, he's not even doing anything!" Sebastian said pointing at the cat.

And the cat was right back on the couch, stretched on the pillow where Sebastian left him. Ciel and Soma shared a glance between them and it said one thing: The cat has to_ GO_.


	4. Intermission: Coffin Caught

Ciel decided that Soma would have to stay in the manor for a few days. He couldn't just send him home (well, he could but he wasn't that cold-hearted) looking like he lost a battle with something larger than a common stray cat. Plus, Soma wasn't feeling too happy at being a diversion for Ciel's failed plan.

It was the next morning and both of them were down in the dining room eating breakfast. Soma, despite the doctor's orders, was picking at the scabs that had already formed over the scratches on his arms, legs, and chest.

"They're never going to heal if you keep picking at them. Didn't that get through to you the last time the other one opened up again?" Ciel said beginning to get deeply irritated since this was the fifth time he had told Soma to stop.

"Well, excuse me Ciel, but I recall that I wasn't informed that I would be a _'diversion' _to your sinister cat plot. And may I remind you that it failed, HORRIBLY." Said Soma sulkily picking at the breakfast in front of him.

"For the hundredth time I said I was _sorry._ And you don't hear me say that very often do you? So just suck it up already. It's bad enough that Sebastian loves that beast more than he feels he has a duty to me but- wait a second. I finally have an idea." Hurriedly Ciel finished his breakfast and got up from the table.

He dawned his coat and cane and started out the door...then stopped. _Argh, I'm really slipping up am I? How am I going to contact the Reaper's Association? Unless...ah hell... _Ciel thought as he called for a cab (something Sebastian should've done for him) and climbed in. "Take me downtown."

A few hours later after walking from the cab through downtown London Ciel spotted the shop he was looking for. The sign above the doorway said one word: UNDERTAKER. Grumbling up at the sign he walked up to the door and knocked on it. It swung eerily open into a dark, dank room of coffins.

"Hello? Is anyone here? Undertaker? Come out, I need to discuss some business with you. It's of utmost imporTANCE!" His last word ended in a shout as he tumbled headfirst into an open coffin. Before he could climb out the lid swung shut plunging him into darkness.

"What the hell!? LET ME OUT! RIGHT NOW!" Ciel yelled pounding on the coffin lid with both fists. "UNDERTAKER!? GET ME OUT!"

All the banging did indeed wake a sleeping Undertaker...but he wasn't outside the coffin. _He was inside the coffin._ "Why hello Master Ciel! What makes you want to intrude upon my nap time? I was trying to catch a few winks-"

But Ciel wasn't even listening. He was shocked into silence at being in such close vicinity with the Undertaker. And he smelled...really bad. Covering his nose Ciel spoke, "Why the bloody hell are you sleeping in a coffin?"

"Oh, because my bed is covered in skeletons. There's lots of people out there dying nowadays. So I decided to sleep in here. But this coffin has a lock on the inside, I don't recall why. I left the lid open so I could have air to breathe. Until you decided to close the lid, that is."

"Inside? You mean the lid won't OPEN? How are we supposed to get OUT!?" Ciel shouted as he began to punch at the lid once again. Little good did that do because it wasn't budging.

This seemed to have struck Undertaker as hilarious because he started giving off hoots of laughter. "HAHAHAHA! I love your energy Ciel! So, for making me laugh I will reward you with the key to the lock." Reaching deep into the folds of his robe Undertaker took out a medium-sized iron key. "Here you are."

At first Ciel stared at Undertake with a blank look on his face. The blank look turned from that to shock, then to anger, and then to blazing fury. "You had the key the WHOLE TIME!? ARE YOU DAFT!?" Ciel shouted angrily snatching the key from Undertaker's hand and unlocking the lid.

"HAHAHA-HEE-HEEHEE-AHAHAHA!" That was the Undertaker's only response before he settled down. "Alright, okay, now what have you come here for Ciel?"

Letting his anger fade slowly Ciel stated, "I need to contact the Reaper's Association. To ask for a certain shinigami."

"Oh, is that so? Interesting."

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

**_This is just a half intermission chapter until I put together the cat's next victim. Thanks for reading this far and reviewing it!_**

**_Did I say 'victim'? I meant to say that. _**


	5. Grell's Jealous Rage

It took quite a while for Undertaker to fish out of his pile of junk just what Ciel needed to get in contact with the Reaper's Association. "Ah I finally found it. Here you go Ciel, I think this will aid you in your suspicious endeavors." Undertaker said as he held up a cracked and dusty purple and black telephone.

Ciel stared at it for a moment. "I guess weird people have weird things. So, how am I supposed to use it? There aren't any numbers on it, only letters." He asked picking up the phone from the cradle which left a trail of spider webs. "Ick."

"How it works? All you have to do is spell out the name of the shinigami you need then hang the phone up. Pretty simple all in all."

"Hang it up? Aren't I supposed to let it ring?" Ciel said, but what he thought was, _I'm dealing with a madman aren't I?_

"No, no, no. If you did that it would take your soul, a nasty thing it does. Just dial and hang up. If the person you're calling is curious enough they'll come to you. Just make sure it's a good reason or they'll take your soul anyways...rules don't apply when they're off duty."

_Off duty? I thought they didn't really have off time, with all the death and everything. _Ciel thought as he walked out of Undertaker's shop and hailed another cab back to the manor. When he walked back in he headed straight to his office to try out the thing.

"Okay...Dial the name...then hang up." He said to himself as he completed the steps then sat back in this chair to wait. And wait he did not have to do for long. Once the phone was back in the cradle a foul, rank smoke arrived in the office: the smell of perfume. It was so strong that Ciel gagged.

As Ciel was gagging the smoke started to clear. The figure in the smoke swirled to face the desk. "FINALLY! I just knew you were going to call sooner or later! I raced right over once I saw the caller ID so I can Love you- to _DEATH!_"

There in the middle of the room stood Grell Sutcliff, chainsaw and all. He was swaggering back and forth dancing from one foot to the other. "Really my dear Sebby, you didn't need to be shy about calling sooner-oh wait, it's just the boy." He paused and said as he caught sight of Ciel.

Gaining his composure Ciel stood up. "I can't believe that phone worked." He pressed his handkerchief closer to his nose and addressed Grell. "Ugh, why do you have to spray so much on? It smells horrid."

Grell threw an annoyed look in Ciel's direction. "A young boy like you could never understand the scent of a lady. Now, why did _YOU _call me here and not my Sebas-chan? I was hoping for a moonlit picnic on the roof. Not reading a bedtime story to a brat. Now if you excuse me-"

"Wait!" Ciel shouted throwing out a hand to stop Grell from leaving. "That's what I wanted to contact you about: Sebastian and his new _friend._" Ciel said putting extra emphasis on the word 'friend'. "But, if you really must go, I'll allow you..."

The word 'friend stopped Grell in his tracks. "What friend? What kind of friend should Sebastian be seeing? I'm obviously the only one for him." He reasoned as he flipped his hair and struck a pose. "Who could resist this?"

_I think I just threw up in m y mouth a little. _Ciel thought as he battled the instinct to insult. "Well, it's not my place to pry into grown folks love business. So really if you must go, by all means GO. I'm sure Sebastian will break the news to you later sometime." Ciel said slyly as he began to go back to his desk.

But he didn't get all the way there. Before he even took a step Grell had snatched him up by the collar and had his chainsaw at his neck. "Hold on now. I suggest you spill your guts before I have to do it for you. Who is this mystery 'friend' Sebastian has been seeing? Is it another girl? TALK NOW."

"Alright, alright I'll talk." Said Ciel trying to sound reluctant but inside he was jumping for joy. "Apparently Sebastian has found a new "lady friend" to hang around with. She's awfully pretty and young for her age. Absolutely dazzling in fact, Sebastian never takes his eyes off her."

"_REALLY!? _Bu-bu-but I'm all the dazzle he needs in his life! ME!" Grell shouted dismayed at the thought. "I can't believe he'll run to someone else that easily."

"Oh, but he didn't run to her." Ciel added enjoying the way the plan was going. "She came onto HIM. What got him hooked was that she could take the form of a cat. And you know how much Sebastian loves cats. She basically suckered him into liking her and dumping _you_."

Grell stood stock still as his mind tried to process this news. _Sebas-chan with another? Wait no, SHE took HIM. She took him... _Then the shock faded and the anger set in.

"_THAT WHOOOOORRRRREEE!_" Grell shouted as he dropped Ciel roughly to the ground and swung out his chainsaw.

"I'll make her pay...She's going to regret ever laying eyes on my _SEBBY!_"


	6. Storm of Hell

Meanwhile Sebastian was downstairs in the foyer with said 'whore'. He was watching Charles play around with a ball of string. "Ahhh, such a graceful creature. No other animal has the beauty of the feline." Sebastian sighed as he watched the cat pounce on the yarn. "Yes, so beau-"

"WHERE IS SHE!? WHERE'S THAT FLOOZY!? I'LL KILL HER!" Grell shouted as he barreled down the staircase waving his chainsaw. He didn't bother sparing any of the merchandise on the way down either. Then he spotted Sebastian.

"Sebas-chan! How could YOU!? You have fallen for another." He said in anguish. "But alas, I still love you. So let me free you from that witch's charm!"

Alerted by all the shouting Sebastian turned around to see the storm of hell bearing down on him. "What the-? Grell!? Stop waving that thing around, you're breaking all the vases in the foyer! Who let you in the manor?" He said as he ran around trying to save the vases that Grell was knocking over.

Grell stopped for just a moment as he turned to address Sebastian. "I have learned that you have been tricked into love by another woman and have come to tell you to open your eyes and see her for who she really is- A MAN-STEALING WHORE!"

"Wait, what? I have no idea what you're talking about! I haven't done anything all week but dealt with my new cat Charles. See?" Sebastian said as he pointed to where Charles was still on the floor playing with the ball of yarn.

"THAT'S HER! COME HERE YOU BITCH!" Grell screamed as he charged the silver cat. He had already revved up his chainsaw to mach level. "I'll teach you not to steal someone's _man!_"

He charged the cat raising the saw above his head, preparing to cut the cat in half. But before he could bring it down Sebastian aimed a kick at him from the side knocking him and Grell to the ground. Both stood up but Grell, still fueled by rage, charged the cat again. This time, however, Charles acted. Right before Grell could swing his weapon the cat latched on to the jacket around his shoulders.

"Oh, you want to fight hand-to-hand man-stealer? BRING IT." Grell said as he dropped the chainsaw and started grabbing at his coat to try to toss the cat off. As Grell spun around in demented circles, Ciel and Soma had came downstairs to watch the show. It was pretty entertaining all in all.

Then the cat clawed onto Grell's hair. "OUCH! Cheap move, hair-pulling. Keep still floozy! Aha! Gotcha now!" Grell said triumphantly as he snatched the cat up by the scruff of its neck, hissing and spitting. Ciel and Soma cheered from the spot in the action.

Sebastian, on the other hand, wasn't having it. "Put the cat _DOWN!_" He shouted as he jumped off the ground and drop-kicked Grell. Grell dropped the cat (which landed on its feet) and landed on the floor with a loud thud. Sebastian then picked Grell up by the collar of his shirt and marched him to the door.

He held Grell up to his face before he threw him out. "I don't want to see you in this area again! And don't harass my cat!"

"Never again? But I thought we were going steady!" Grell asked in dismay.

"Steady? WE AREN'T EVEN DATING! Now _get out!_" Sebastian yelled as he booted Grell out onto the front lawn. "And don't forget this hunk of junk!" He called throwing out the chainsaw. Then he marched back inside past Ciel and Soma who were going outside to see where Grell landed.

"Over here Ciel! He landed in the daisies." Soma said as he uncovered Grell from the nest of flowers. "I think he is unharmed."

"Unharmed? _Unharmed? _I just got dumped by my one true love._ My heart is BROKEN!_" Grell cried as he buried his head in his hands just as Ciel came over. "He never wants to see me again!"

"Ugh, Grell! Pull yourself together. Are we really going to let that cat win? Or are we going to get rid of it once and for all?" Ciel asked glaring at Grell and Soma on the front lawn.

Both of them nodded sullenly. Then more forcefully.

"Alright then." Ciel said starting for the manor. "Let's form a plan."


	7. Goodbye Kitty!

And form a plan they did. Early the next morning Ciel, Soma, and Grell decided to put it into action. The first phase of the plan was left up to Grell and Soma and that was to make Sebastian hate the cat by any means necessary. The second phase of the plan was Ciel's part, but he would have to go out of the manor to do it.

"For this plan to work I'm going to have to visit my fiance', Lizzie. Also, I want to give her a new perfume I ordered. While I'm gone, you two start your part of the plan." Ciel instructed Grell and Soma before he hailed a cab. "And make it as _long as possible, _knowing Lizzie she may want to talk...which will take up some time."

"You can count on me Ciel! And your auburn-haired friend! The plan will go on as, well, _planned_." Soma called out after the leaving cab. "Please enjoy your time with your betrothed!"

As soon as the cab was out of sight Grell, who was standing beside Soma, started to march back to the manor. "Come on, whatever your name is, let's get this started. I will get my Sebby back no matter what!" He declared as he started inside. "Now, where should we start first?"

"Ah! I know, I know!" Soma said as he caught up with Grell who was standing in the foyer. "The curtains! We could make it seem like the cat clawed up the curtains. That would make a butler mad. I'll go get some scissors..."

"No need for scissors, that's why I have THIS." Grell said holding up his chainsaw and revving it up. "Stand back, it's time to _SHRED!_" He shouted as he swung the chainsaw at the curtains in the foyer. In a matter of seconds the curtains were nothing but rags on poles.

After destroying the curtains Grell and Soma went to hide so they could see how Sebastian would react to the damage. And on cue Sebastian came downstairs to do his scheduled cleaning and saw the curtains. "_CHARLES!_" He called out, sounding exasperated. Soma and Grell high-fived from their hiding spot, but celebrating was a little too soon.

"Oh Charles..." Sebastian said as the cat came waltzing out from the kitchen. It started winding itself in and out of Sebastian's legs until he picked it up. "Charles, if you needed a scratching post I would've found one for you. But I couldn't stay mad at you now could I?" Sebastian cooed as he took the cat upstairs.

"Awww, it didn't work." Soma said sadly as Grell facepalmed himself repeatedly. "Do not despair my friend. We'll just have to frame the cat for some other mishap. Wait, where are you going?" Soma called after Grell who was making his way into the kitchen.

Once in the kitchen Grell spotted just what he was looking for: today's meal. And good luck has it that it was salmon. "Aha! I have a plan to frame that man-stealer. We'll just make the fish disappear and Sebastian will think that the cat ate it." Grell said triumphantly holding up the fish. "Here, you can eat it."

"Me?" Soma asked pointing to himself. "But I do not like fish...it tastes, well, _fishy._" He said eyeing the salmon with disgust. "Why can't you eat it?"

Letting out a sight Grell explained, "If I ate this fish then I would have fish breath. Do you know how embarrassing it would be to kiss Sebas-chan with _fish breath?_ That's why you have to do it, also you consider me as a 'friend', do it for a friend!" Again, he held out the fish.

"Ugh, alright, but only because you are a 'friend'." Soma said taking the fish with a small ick sound. True to his word he ate it, but didn't feel so good after. Before he could be sick though Sebastian came into the kitchen with Charles and Grell pulled him into a corner to hide.

"I'll find you something to eat later, Charles. Right now I must prepare the young master's dinner-_ what happened to the salmon?_" Sebastian asked mid-sentence as he looked at he looked at the empty cutting board in front of him. Then he looked at the cat next to him. "How could you eat an 8-pound salmon!?" He asked incredulously.

_We got him now, there's no way that cat can cutie his way out of this one. Sebas-chan will finally be mine again! _Grell thought as he watched the scene play out in front of him. _I wonder when he would decide to call and make up with-WHAT THE HELL!? _

Grell's thoughts were halted as he saw Sebastian pick the cat up and put him in his pocket. "I guess you're a hungry one aren't you? I'll just find another salmon somewhere." He said as he walked the cat out to the garden. "Then maybe I could find you a new collar to wear while I'm at it."

Soma and Grell were shocked into silence for just a moment. "_AAARRRGGHHH!_" Grell yelled in horror as he collapsed to the ground. While he was throwing his tantrum, Ciel and Lizzie walked in. Soma glanced up at Ciel and said, "He doesn't want to let the cat go! I have failed you..."

Ciel just stared at the two until Lizzie started to tug on his sleeve. "Ciel, you said you were going to show me how the cat was doing! I really want to see him."

"Ah, yes. I assume they would be in the garden by now. You go out to meet them while I deal with these two." He said and Lizzie went out the door. Letting out a breath Ciel said, "Come on you two, stop throwing a fit. All is not lost yet, I want you to see what Lizzie's new perfume can do."

The three of them made their way out to the garden and was met with a spectacular sight. The cat was not hanging around Sebastian, but around _Lizzie. _"Ohhh, he's so sweet! Look at how he cuddles my cheek Ciel!" Lizze said happily while holding the cat. "I tried to give it back to Sebastian but he wouldn't go, I think he likes me better. Sorry Sebastian."

But Sebastian didn't hear the apology, he was busy mourning the loss of his precious cat. "But I don't understand..._I even named him!_ How could he turn on me like this!? _WHY!?_" Sebastian pined as he rocked back and forth.

"OH SEBBY! I can almost feel your compassion! But do not weep, for I still love you. And will forever love you! I will be your cat, love!" Grell proclaimed as he sat beside Sebastian and wrapped him in a hug. For some reason, that only made Sebastian cry harder.

"Ciel, you said something about Lizzie's perfume. What did you put in it?" Soma asked.

Ciel smiled. "Catnip."

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

**_That's it for the demonic cat in Phantomhive Manor. Poor Sebastian, losing his friend like that...but at least he has Grell. XD_**


End file.
